Taking things personally

What does it mean to take something personally? Any time we allow something someone else does, says, writes, etc... to change the way we are at that moment or in the future we have taken something personally. Just like the other topics I have written about a basic premise applies here. There is a positive and a negative way to take things personally. In order to fully distinguish between the two we must first understand how our ideas, words, actions affect others. In terms of energy everything we do has an affect on the world, the universe. In terms of another human and their mind there is absolutely nothing we can do to influence, change or help them. The only way this is possible is if the other person allows it to happen. The inverse is true for you as individual. There is nothing another person can do to change, influence or help you unless you let it happen. What a great power this is if we learn how to use it to our advantage. Lets take a work example: A middle management employee (lets name him/her Pat) Pat shows up at work 5 minutes late on a Wednesday. Pat has been a little better then average worker. Pat has had some big things happen but has also had some set backs. Pat's boss calls a meeting later that morning to talk about the state of the company. As the boss is talking about how everyone needs to buckle down and get more done during this economic crunch she reads on her attendance sheet that Pat showed up late to work that morning. The boss goes off on Pat ignoring the rest of the items She had planned to go over during the meeting.
Pat has a conscious choice to make. Will Pat take this personally, let it slide off his/her back, use it as a learning experience?

How do these different answers look in action?

1. By taking it personally Pat would say "How dare she yell at me. I have done nothing but great things for this company. I was 5 minutes late one day and she jumps all over me. No one understands how much I do for this company. If I were to quit they would be in big trouble." Pat then might go on working with a chip on her/his shoulder making for a negative work environment. Pat may go on and quit or even get fired if negative things keep piling up.
2. By letting the rant slide off her/his back, Pat would say that had nothing to do with me. The boss was just trying to make a point about how important this time is for our company's success. It could have been any other employee if she had read that about them. Maybe she has been super stressed about the company, maybe her husband has been cheating on her, maybe she has a child failing out of school, pregnant, hooked on drugs. All solely her bosses' issues that have nothing to do with Pat. By having this attitude you can continue to keep a positive work environment and Pat doesn't allow the rant to affect her/his job performance.
3. Pat using this as a learning expierence would use a combination of the two. Pat would understand that the reaction was a result of her/his boss's life and life expierences. At the same time Pat would take the time to hear what was being said and use suggestions to get better his/her job. Understanding that this being said while being yelled at doesn't make it a bad suggestion. If Pat can seperate the rant from the information that will help him/her to do a better job while understanding that the reaction was purely the bosses and had nothing to do with him/her then Pat can accept any consiquence that occurs from situation.

In Flo this is an important skill to master. When we allow others to dictate our moods and tell us if we have any worth we are setting ourselves up for dissappointment. By seperating the information from the manner in which it comes to us we learn to learn from everyone. It allows us to find daily miracles in other's dissappointments in us. We can better ourselves no matter if the information comes in the form of a compliment or criticism.
It is worth saying that taking things personally when someone gives you a compliment needs to be evaluated in the same way. If we let the compliment go to our head which grows our ego we are moving from Flo not with it. Take the information the same way wether the information comes from a compliment or a criticism. The way the information comes to you is a result of the other persons past. It has nothing to do with you and your expierences and yet there is information you can use to better yourself.
Definately a lot easier said then done. If you want to read more about how this works try "The Four Agreements" It has a whole chapter on it.

Needs vs. Wants

This topic was inspired by a friend of mine who asked me what is the difference versus needs and wants? I think the simple answer is needs are "must haves" in life (breathing, eating, touch of another person, water, the feeling like we are going somewhere, we are accomplishing something, we have a purpose). Wants are how we go about getting these. The example I gave was a person gets stranded on a deserted island. The person has come to love pizza to the point that it was an addiction. This person had to have pizza 3 or 4 times a week or else they would go crazy. On this island there is plenty of food. Fruit from the trees, fish in the ocean, nuts and berries throughout the island. The person who had come accustom to eating pizza will no longer have that as an option yet the need for food will not change. If the person does not eat they will die. Although it may be difficult at first to get over the want for pizza the person will survive without it. The next question that came up was do we need another person there in order to survive? This is a touchy one because the simple answer is no but above I wrote we need touch of another person. Weather it be literally or figuratively this is a necessity in order to survive. Does this mean this person is doomed if they don't get saved? The answer here is no. One of the reasons we have psychological problems as we get older is because we didn't or don't get enough positive attention from others. A child that is left alone in a crib to cry and rarely is shown any affection or love most likely will have serious problems relating to others and getting the attention they need in order to live a healthy life. This applies to our stranded person. There is a continual need for this positive attention. If this person had friends and or family support before they were stranded then the thought of making it back to this attention is enough to sustain a person and maybe even prolong their life. If this person has no support group waiting for them when they get off the island then chances are they will die relatively quickly.
There are many things that we feel we want in this life and I believe they are another way of telling us who we are and how our brain works. One could want to make a million dollars a year and yet there are starving people in third world countries that live without money at all. Some have argued they are happier. Our wants are like emotions. We don't want to hide from them. We need to use them as way of seeing what our brain is telling us and then we can look to our inner source to see if that is really what we need. Are we associating with the right people or do we want to be seen in a certain group to fulfill an image we want to portray? Are we hiding from our true self by filling it with useless wants when we would be happier if we focused on the needs and allowed our true self to shine?
By getting in touch with Flo we start to filter out the wants that are unhealthy for us. We become our true self and start to fill our life with the wants that make us happy and healthy. Our needs are always going to be there. There is an infinite way of getting them met. We need to learn which are positive wants and which are negative wants then make our choices from there.