Taking things personally

What does it mean to take something personally? Any time we allow something someone else does, says, writes, etc... to change the way we are at that moment or in the future we have taken something personally. Just like the other topics I have written about a basic premise applies here. There is a positive and a negative way to take things personally. In order to fully distinguish between the two we must first understand how our ideas, words, actions affect others. In terms of energy everything we do has an affect on the world, the universe. In terms of another human and their mind there is absolutely nothing we can do to influence, change or help them. The only way this is possible is if the other person allows it to happen. The inverse is true for you as individual. There is nothing another person can do to change, influence or help you unless you let it happen. What a great power this is if we learn how to use it to our advantage. Lets take a work example: A middle management employee (lets name him/her Pat) Pat shows up at work 5 minutes late on a Wednesday. Pat has been a little better then average worker. Pat has had some big things happen but has also had some set backs. Pat's boss calls a meeting later that morning to talk about the state of the company. As the boss is talking about how everyone needs to buckle down and get more done during this economic crunch she reads on her attendance sheet that Pat showed up late to work that morning. The boss goes off on Pat ignoring the rest of the items She had planned to go over during the meeting.
Pat has a conscious choice to make. Will Pat take this personally, let it slide off his/her back, use it as a learning experience?

How do these different answers look in action?

1. By taking it personally Pat would say "How dare she yell at me. I have done nothing but great things for this company. I was 5 minutes late one day and she jumps all over me. No one understands how much I do for this company. If I were to quit they would be in big trouble." Pat then might go on working with a chip on her/his shoulder making for a negative work environment. Pat may go on and quit or even get fired if negative things keep piling up.
2. By letting the rant slide off her/his back, Pat would say that had nothing to do with me. The boss was just trying to make a point about how important this time is for our company's success. It could have been any other employee if she had read that about them. Maybe she has been super stressed about the company, maybe her husband has been cheating on her, maybe she has a child failing out of school, pregnant, hooked on drugs. All solely her bosses' issues that have nothing to do with Pat. By having this attitude you can continue to keep a positive work environment and Pat doesn't allow the rant to affect her/his job performance.
3. Pat using this as a learning expierence would use a combination of the two. Pat would understand that the reaction was a result of her/his boss's life and life expierences. At the same time Pat would take the time to hear what was being said and use suggestions to get better his/her job. Understanding that this being said while being yelled at doesn't make it a bad suggestion. If Pat can seperate the rant from the information that will help him/her to do a better job while understanding that the reaction was purely the bosses and had nothing to do with him/her then Pat can accept any consiquence that occurs from situation.

In Flo this is an important skill to master. When we allow others to dictate our moods and tell us if we have any worth we are setting ourselves up for dissappointment. By seperating the information from the manner in which it comes to us we learn to learn from everyone. It allows us to find daily miracles in other's dissappointments in us. We can better ourselves no matter if the information comes in the form of a compliment or criticism.
It is worth saying that taking things personally when someone gives you a compliment needs to be evaluated in the same way. If we let the compliment go to our head which grows our ego we are moving from Flo not with it. Take the information the same way wether the information comes from a compliment or a criticism. The way the information comes to you is a result of the other persons past. It has nothing to do with you and your expierences and yet there is information you can use to better yourself.
Definately a lot easier said then done. If you want to read more about how this works try "The Four Agreements" It has a whole chapter on it.